friends : relationships : emma

I've found that my social life has been constantly striving to find friends.

uuuh, duh.

But no. Really. When I was younger I had trouble making friends. When I finally broke out of my shell, I didn't have the greatest friends in the world. I was hurt repeatedly by people, and I in turn, hurt the only real friends I had. This went on for a few years. It wasn't till I was converted that I finally started handling my relationships with friends in a more healthy way.

But a short year and a half after my conversion, I moved to Washington. This presented a challenge to me. It was time to rebuild community. Only this time around, I was starting fresh. No awkward ties to a painful past that is trying to be forgotten. Now, I can be whoever I want to be, and have relationships that don't backfire.

False.

Well actually, only about the "being whoever I want". I am who I am, and I made a decision a long time ago not to be a chameleon to each social group I put myself in. God made me this way. No matter where I live, I will always be Madison Rose. Nothing will change that.

But I did have an opportunity to build real friendships. And God is repeatedly showing me how much He loves me by bringing new people into my community to love on and grow in heart and spirit with. But my closest friends I have made here are the biggest shock to me.

I don't understand how I can know these people for such a short period of time, and some of them still do not know my testimony, but our hearts have intertwined together in a spiritual way that will never be broken.

My greatest friend that I've made 's name is Emma. She is constantly shocking me by her maturity in spirit and life. I can't quite express how great this relationship has been for me. For the first time, I feel like God has given me a friend. Right from His hand. He just handed her over, and said, "Here. She's for you. I want you to know her. I want you to see how much I love you. She will be a reminder to you of how much I love you. I've been excited for the day that you two can meet, and now I'm excited to show you everything I have in store for you in this friendship."

God is blessing me beyond words with friends and community. And it's only been 5 months. Thank you God. Your way is truly the right way. Thank you for bringing me to Washington.

my favorite place

It's kinda strange how things move forward in life. It can be really slow, and at other times, excelled at an unreal speed. And then there are those moments where everything just stands still, and you don't know what to do.

And those are my favorite moments. Because it's those times when you can feel the wind of God. You can't hear Him, or see Him, but you know something is happening, and a storm is coming. I looove those moments the most. It's just before He does something. It's because I love to know that he's gonna move. I don't even ever really care what happens, (actually not true, it's all about what He does, I just mean that I get really excited to know that He's going to do something), I just love to feel Him. I can hear Him planning. It's a big plan, and I can feel it growing by the minute. And that excitement that I feel to find out what it is just grows, and grows, and grows, and grows, until I'm about to explode!!

And then He shows me... And it's always the most beautiful thing I've ever heard spoken into my ear.

And you know what?? He's planning right now... This is my most favorite feeling in the world. :0)

a message from god

I didn't really think through what I was gonna write before I opened this up. I really just wanted to relay a message. Not really from me. It's from God.

He wanted me to tell His children, my audience, that He wants you back. I don't know if that means something to you specifically, or if it's for the next person who clicks over to this, but I feel Him in my fingers write now, typing. So here it goes...


I want you back. You've gone away. A hazy fog has come between you and me. You accept the generic truth that I am always around, but you have yet to live your life like you know that I am here. Well here's the truth. I am here. I've seen everything you've done and it hurts my heart. I want you back. I want you to know that there's so much out there that's better. You have so much because of ME. Please, just let me show you. But only you can choose to take my hand, and realize that I'm here. And until then, I will still be here, waiting, with my hand outstretched.


There you go. If this means something to you, I'd LOVE to hear about it. Send me an email by clicking on the button to the right with a picture of an envelope on it.

God wanted you to hear this. Maybe a reminder that He's always around, and you need to acknowledge His presence regularly, or maybe it's time to start a new chapter of your life. Either way, you're not reading this by accident. I hope you have a blessed day walking hand in hand with your Savior. :)

squandered blessings

Oh goodness blogging world. It's been a long time since I've done this. And the things I need to catch you up on are extensive. However, tonight I have a short message for you about something I learned tonight at church.

So how many times have you heard someone preach a message about the Prodigal Son? I think I've heard every interpretation of that story in the alphabet. Tonight wasn't totally different. Though it was a great message, and a good reminder. However, the thing that got me was what someone said after the actual talk.

It was about the son in the story. It was specifically about how he had squandered his father's wealth. She said that the father gave to this son out of the grace of his heart. He gave it willingly and without regret. The girl related it to her own life and how God has given her so many blessings out of the willingness of His fatherly nature, and how she totally takes it for granted and squanders what he gives her. A total lack of gratitude and humility.

And ooooh how that hit me. I can remember the specific day two years ago after I came back from my summer camp when I was pleading with God to let me come to Washington. I was so done with California. I knew then like I know now that there was no longer anything there for me. That day ended, and I moved on. To move from my home town forever just seemed so impossible. I didn't give it a second thought because after my pleading session with God, reality set in, and I knew what I was asking for was too big, and there was no way I would get it.

Well ta da! Here I am, sitting on my fuzzy brown couch on the third floor of the house that we are renting from in WOODINVILLE WASINGTON! Even as I sit here writing, the true awesomeness of what God has done for me by bringing me up to Washington continues to overwhelm me.

But here's the problem. I was so unaware of what God had done for me when He brought me here that I was completely ungrateful and selfish about MY feelings and MY friends and MY ideas of what my life should have looked like. I remember our first conversation about moving exactly a year ago. I was so overwhelmed and did not want to leave that I started crying.

And now as I am daily asking God to show me His heart, He's made it clear to me that His heart was broken. He was trying to do something nice for me. He was answering me plea for a life away from California, and all I could do was be sad and filled with grief about leaving rather than recognize the phenomenal gift that He was giving me.

And oh my goodness! He has sooo followed through on making this just as amazing a gift as He intended it to be.

He's given me a worship team, an immediate group of girlfriends that I can talk to about anything, new opportunities to have relation with generations besides my own (the younger kids I live with, and the 92 year old lady who walks around our street making her little piles of branches and pine cones), an absolutely BEAUTIFUL place I can call home in the middle of a colonial themed community, amazing opportunities to further my educational opportunities...

This list could seriously go on and on and on. But it's getting pretty late and practically the only thing I'm lacking in since I've been here is sleep. It's been so great to get back on here blogging. But also and fyi, all the pictures you've been seeing on either side of this post were taken on my phone in the past 2 months. :) Yes, it is absolutely gorgeous here.