I've now been forced to come out from under the wonderful protective shell of Christmas. Don't get me wrong, Christmas was wonderful. But it was an excuse, for months, that we didn't have to worry about moving until after the holidays. Now, it's right there in our faces. It's time to GO! And that is basically freaking me out. There's so much to do. We haven't
done hardly any packing. We need to decide what to keep and what to
sell. There is a lot that is going to be put in storage, so that's a
whole other pile of junk that needs to be separated out. And we have all our Christmas stuff up right now, so we need to take that down and package it up, then dive in to our regular living stuff, and then dive in deeper to that stuff that blends in to the walls and you forgot existed since 2005.
So we have packing, but then we have people. Saying goodbye has got to be the hardest part about moving a great distance. You've heard the saying "It takes a village to raise a child", well I'm saying goodbye to my village. I mean, from the outside, it does look like much. My village looks like the one that sits next to Disneyland. I mean seriously, what is a grimy disgusting village compared to The Most Magical Place on Earth? Well, that's my village. It's nothing special. The people can be annoying, not the crowd you'd choose to sit next to on the subway, they seem to have odd quirks that you think you could never get used to, they have that plastered smile that always scares away the little kids, and they can talk way too loud. But you know what? It's MY village!
That village raised me, and they're the greatest village in the world. Though I tried so hard at times to put on my hard exterior, they always saw right through it. So yeah, maybe they made me a little weirder than I could have been, but it makes me unique. The odd quirks and wonderful aspects of who I am were so wonderfully applied by the different people God placed in my village. Whether they were my amazing family or loyal friends, each were here for a reason.
Now I have to do the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and let go. I've been holding as tightly as I could, up until my knuckles were turning purple, because there was no way I would let go of my village. My support system. My mentors. My family.. But now, it's time to open my hands, and give that village, that support system, those mentors, my family, over to God. They're not mine. They've never been mine. They've always been His. They've been His to take at any time. Now is that time.
So God! Here you go! You can have them. I will not pretend that my heart is not completely shattered to have to give up my village. I hurt with a pain I've never felt before, and it cuts deeper than any wound that's been inflicted on me. I'll say it again and again that I do not want to do this. But God, who am I to stand in the way of what you want? Who am I to stand in the way of the direction you are leading my life? I know you'll fill the chasm left by the absence of my village. I trust you to do what Your Word promises. I love you more than my life. I give you my village to do with what You will. If I am to continue in relations with all, some, or none, I'll be ok. Because even if I never talk with them again, I know I don't need them. Because I have You. Lead me where you will.
So we have packing, but then we have people. Saying goodbye has got to be the hardest part about moving a great distance. You've heard the saying "It takes a village to raise a child", well I'm saying goodbye to my village. I mean, from the outside, it does look like much. My village looks like the one that sits next to Disneyland. I mean seriously, what is a grimy disgusting village compared to The Most Magical Place on Earth? Well, that's my village. It's nothing special. The people can be annoying, not the crowd you'd choose to sit next to on the subway, they seem to have odd quirks that you think you could never get used to, they have that plastered smile that always scares away the little kids, and they can talk way too loud. But you know what? It's MY village!
That village raised me, and they're the greatest village in the world. Though I tried so hard at times to put on my hard exterior, they always saw right through it. So yeah, maybe they made me a little weirder than I could have been, but it makes me unique. The odd quirks and wonderful aspects of who I am were so wonderfully applied by the different people God placed in my village. Whether they were my amazing family or loyal friends, each were here for a reason.
Now I have to do the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and let go. I've been holding as tightly as I could, up until my knuckles were turning purple, because there was no way I would let go of my village. My support system. My mentors. My family.. But now, it's time to open my hands, and give that village, that support system, those mentors, my family, over to God. They're not mine. They've never been mine. They've always been His. They've been His to take at any time. Now is that time.
So God! Here you go! You can have them. I will not pretend that my heart is not completely shattered to have to give up my village. I hurt with a pain I've never felt before, and it cuts deeper than any wound that's been inflicted on me. I'll say it again and again that I do not want to do this. But God, who am I to stand in the way of what you want? Who am I to stand in the way of the direction you are leading my life? I know you'll fill the chasm left by the absence of my village. I trust you to do what Your Word promises. I love you more than my life. I give you my village to do with what You will. If I am to continue in relations with all, some, or none, I'll be ok. Because even if I never talk with them again, I know I don't need them. Because I have You. Lead me where you will.
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