This has been a very awkward season in my life. I've been bashed and put down by several people recently. Some intentionally, some unintentionally. It's painful, and hard to deal with, which I don't think I really need to say. But there's something I've learned from it. Something I've always known and always believed, but it's truly been sealed in by this...
I really don't care what people think about me.
If you don't like who I am, cool. I'm not trying to please you. So if there's any confusion about what I want and what my heart looks like, let me clear it up for you all now.
I have a heart of joy. There is so much in this world that makes me happy, I literally can not hold it in. That's why I'm constantly smiling and laughing. Every day I find a new reason to smile and a new reason to be happy about my life. That happiness is what holds me together. Underneath that smile is a heart that fights every day to handle the life around me. Every independent component of my life is so overwhelmingly stressful at this point that all I can do is take a moment each day to put it aside, and just be happy. My heart also wants to be explored. I want people to want to get to know me. Who I am has never changed. I've always loved and hated the same things, and I want people to have a desire to know all that about me. And just as much as I want people to get to know me, I want to get to know everyone. I want to know everyone's name, I want to know your favorite color, favorite food, favorite song, best dance move... literally everything that I can ask you in a five minute conversation, I'm going to ask you. Because I really really want to know you. People are my passion, and I want them to know that I care about their hearts enough to ask about the little things as well as the big things. I'm also really independent. I want to do everything on my own and I don't want to ask for help. I'm really stubborn in that way. I get extremely angry and fired up at injustice, to a point of confrontation. I hate when people hurt my friends, and I would go to battle for them any day of the week. I'm extremely loyal, almost to a fault. I'd never betray a friend and my loyalty would always be with them first. I hate the color orange, and Tuesday is a dumb day.
There you go. This is me, in a nutshell. If there's any of that you don't like, than cool. I wasn't trying to impress you, and I'm certainly not going to change for you.
I hope people don't read this and think I'm writing it out of spite. I have been very hurt recently, and just want to be clear, I am who I am. There's a lot more to me than just this short paragraph. I have a lot of nasty ugly flaws that I'm obviously not going to want to air on the internet. But even if I had included them in this list, they'd still be a part of me. And that isn't going to change, and I'm not going to change to accommodate someone's desires.
So if the question is, "Who am I?", the answer would be "Who I am." No more. No less.
I really don't care what people think about me.
If you don't like who I am, cool. I'm not trying to please you. So if there's any confusion about what I want and what my heart looks like, let me clear it up for you all now.
I have a heart of joy. There is so much in this world that makes me happy, I literally can not hold it in. That's why I'm constantly smiling and laughing. Every day I find a new reason to smile and a new reason to be happy about my life. That happiness is what holds me together. Underneath that smile is a heart that fights every day to handle the life around me. Every independent component of my life is so overwhelmingly stressful at this point that all I can do is take a moment each day to put it aside, and just be happy. My heart also wants to be explored. I want people to want to get to know me. Who I am has never changed. I've always loved and hated the same things, and I want people to have a desire to know all that about me. And just as much as I want people to get to know me, I want to get to know everyone. I want to know everyone's name, I want to know your favorite color, favorite food, favorite song, best dance move... literally everything that I can ask you in a five minute conversation, I'm going to ask you. Because I really really want to know you. People are my passion, and I want them to know that I care about their hearts enough to ask about the little things as well as the big things. I'm also really independent. I want to do everything on my own and I don't want to ask for help. I'm really stubborn in that way. I get extremely angry and fired up at injustice, to a point of confrontation. I hate when people hurt my friends, and I would go to battle for them any day of the week. I'm extremely loyal, almost to a fault. I'd never betray a friend and my loyalty would always be with them first. I hate the color orange, and Tuesday is a dumb day.
There you go. This is me, in a nutshell. If there's any of that you don't like, than cool. I wasn't trying to impress you, and I'm certainly not going to change for you.
I hope people don't read this and think I'm writing it out of spite. I have been very hurt recently, and just want to be clear, I am who I am. There's a lot more to me than just this short paragraph. I have a lot of nasty ugly flaws that I'm obviously not going to want to air on the internet. But even if I had included them in this list, they'd still be a part of me. And that isn't going to change, and I'm not going to change to accommodate someone's desires.
So if the question is, "Who am I?", the answer would be "Who I am." No more. No less.
"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." ~ Colossians 3:1-3
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