squandered blessings

Oh goodness blogging world. It's been a long time since I've done this. And the things I need to catch you up on are extensive. However, tonight I have a short message for you about something I learned tonight at church.

So how many times have you heard someone preach a message about the Prodigal Son? I think I've heard every interpretation of that story in the alphabet. Tonight wasn't totally different. Though it was a great message, and a good reminder. However, the thing that got me was what someone said after the actual talk.

It was about the son in the story. It was specifically about how he had squandered his father's wealth. She said that the father gave to this son out of the grace of his heart. He gave it willingly and without regret. The girl related it to her own life and how God has given her so many blessings out of the willingness of His fatherly nature, and how she totally takes it for granted and squanders what he gives her. A total lack of gratitude and humility.

And ooooh how that hit me. I can remember the specific day two years ago after I came back from my summer camp when I was pleading with God to let me come to Washington. I was so done with California. I knew then like I know now that there was no longer anything there for me. That day ended, and I moved on. To move from my home town forever just seemed so impossible. I didn't give it a second thought because after my pleading session with God, reality set in, and I knew what I was asking for was too big, and there was no way I would get it.

Well ta da! Here I am, sitting on my fuzzy brown couch on the third floor of the house that we are renting from in WOODINVILLE WASINGTON! Even as I sit here writing, the true awesomeness of what God has done for me by bringing me up to Washington continues to overwhelm me.

But here's the problem. I was so unaware of what God had done for me when He brought me here that I was completely ungrateful and selfish about MY feelings and MY friends and MY ideas of what my life should have looked like. I remember our first conversation about moving exactly a year ago. I was so overwhelmed and did not want to leave that I started crying.

And now as I am daily asking God to show me His heart, He's made it clear to me that His heart was broken. He was trying to do something nice for me. He was answering me plea for a life away from California, and all I could do was be sad and filled with grief about leaving rather than recognize the phenomenal gift that He was giving me.

And oh my goodness! He has sooo followed through on making this just as amazing a gift as He intended it to be.

He's given me a worship team, an immediate group of girlfriends that I can talk to about anything, new opportunities to have relation with generations besides my own (the younger kids I live with, and the 92 year old lady who walks around our street making her little piles of branches and pine cones), an absolutely BEAUTIFUL place I can call home in the middle of a colonial themed community, amazing opportunities to further my educational opportunities...

This list could seriously go on and on and on. But it's getting pretty late and practically the only thing I'm lacking in since I've been here is sleep. It's been so great to get back on here blogging. But also and fyi, all the pictures you've been seeing on either side of this post were taken on my phone in the past 2 months. :) Yes, it is absolutely gorgeous here.

is god real?

Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son ?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Professor : Is GOD good ?

Student : Sure.

Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?

Student : Yes.

Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent.)

Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Is satan good ?

Student : No.

Professor: Where does satan come from ?

Student : From … GOD …

Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?

Student : Yes.

Professor: So who created evil ?

(Student did not answer.)

Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, who created them ?

(Student had no answer.)

Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?

Student : No, sir.

Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?

Student : No , sir.

Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?

Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.

Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student : Yes.

Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.

Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Professor: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?

Professor: Yes.

Student : No, sir. There isn’t.

(The lecture theater became very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?

Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.

Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class was in uproar.)

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class broke out into laughter. )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.

Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.



Have a good day blogging world. I hope you were as touched by this as I was. Ohh, by the way, the student in this argument is Albert Einstein. 

the weak to shame the strong

I've been spending some time in 1 Corinthians. One of the girls from the Bible Study I had in California asked me what would be a good book for her to read, so I suggested this one. But we are going to do it together so I can help her understand different parts of it. This passage, I think has been my favorite. I can totally relate to it.

God pulled me out of such hurt, pain, and turmoil. Christianity was the last thing I wanted. But He so radically changed my life and pulled me close to Him, when I thought I was absolutely nothing. He made me beautiful when everything in my life said I was disgusting. And then He used my new found identity to work through the lives of people around me. I was overwhelmed that I could make a difference. Really be someone. I had become so beautiful and amazing!!

But that's where I started to fall again. Because without God, we truly are nothing. When we start to give ourselves the glory, rather than the source of glory and power, everything begins to crumble. And that's what happened to me.

God was always my number one, but He wasn't the source of my growing success and talents that were being cultivated and trained. Instead I got that glory. And it went to my head.

But of course, God sent me someone I didn't expect to change things. Someone who I didn't think was "qualified". Someone who to me was foolish, weak, and lowly. And because of that one person, my self-image, and constant selfishness, has changed drastically. I'm no where near being perfect or having this down. Everything is a work in progress for me. But I've seen where I needed to change, and have been beginning to make the change. All because someone unexpected came and gave me a whole new perspective on my life and myself.

moments with brandi

Brandi is amazing. Like really, absolutely amazing. As you see, I write about Brandi aaalll the time on my blog. But this one is a little more direct about her specifically. This is my second trip down to the desert since I moved. For my first one I got to stay with Brandi. We had such amazing moments together. We were able to have coffee which is a very special tradition of ours. We talked for so long. Everything she said made me so happy. I was so happy to be back with her again.

We walked around at a park later that day, talking about life and what I wanted to do in the future. We sat down, and just stayed there. Stayed sitting. We didn't even really talk. We've talked about everything, from every point of view, in any way it could possibly be talked about. But there are always those moments when we sit without speaking, just to enjoy each others presence.

We had a similar time together that evening. Watching a couple movies, we sat together and I lay my head on her shoulder. I've always been against watching movies as "time spent together", but it was late, and I knew she was tired, and it made me really happy that she would stay up to watch these movies with Dylan and Hailey and I.

This one is small, but it made me just as happy. She had to get up early in the morning to wake up Alyssa for worship, and I was playing also, so she woke me up as well. I'd been in and out of being awake for about an hour, but at that moment I was falling out of it again. But I remember feeling her hand lightly on my back, and a very small whisper... "Maddie.. it's 6." I don't know why, but I just loved it. :)

Yesterday she and I went to coffee again. We only had a little while. She had to leave for a dinner. But I don't think it ever really matters where she or I are going, or if we're going anywhere at all. All the time we spend together must come to an end. But it was my favorite coffee I'd ever had with her. She brings me great joy. Even when I'm exhausted, tired, sad, or upset, she is always able to make me smile.

But today was my favorite. After a long day, she came over to the house I'm staying at and kept me company as I babysat my cousin Malachi. After he went down, we got to talk for a little bit before she had to go back to her house to finish her dinner. But the greatest thing was that she came back about 50 minutes later. It's hard to describe. Joyful, jubilant, excited, cared about, blessed, delighted, peaceful... this is everything I am feeling when I say happy. And it's everything I mean when I say that I was so happy that she came back.

I love Brandi. That's all I can say. I just love Brandi. My greatest friend. I miss her so much when I'm in Washington. I love Brandi so much.

a very clanton weekend

CHEESE!

So last Friday, I got up at the butt crack of dawn to go to Sea Tac Airport to get on a plane to fly down to California to surprise Hailey and Alyssa. I'd been secretly plotting this adventure for about 3 weeks previous with their mom, though we didn't actually know till that morning if I was actually coming because I may have not got on the flight. But I did. And I went. And it was amazing.

So for the three days before, I hadn't been sleeping, so Friday morning I was exhausted. I didn't fall asleep when I was on the plane, so I was a total basket case the whole day. My Grami picked me up from the airport and took me to have coffee for about an hour and get something to eat. Not only was I exhausted, but I was starving, and really excited. So three perfect ingredients for a psychotic Maddie.

Then Hailey and Alyssa's mom, Brandi, came to the Starbucks to have coffee with us for a while, and then plan out how we were going to surprise the girls. I was so excited to see Brandi that I kind of attacked her when I saw her. As she went up to get her drink, and I kept talking to my Grami, out of the corner of my eye I could see her continuing to glance over at us, and I knew she was excited to see me too.

We then planned on my hiding in the bathroom and then coming out to surprise the girls at the Starbucks. I called my mom when I went into the bathroom so she could hear the girls' reaction when they saw me. And then, I got the text from Brandi. It was time to come out. I was so nervous and excited and exhausted, I couldn't stop shaking. I was so excited to see the girls. My little sisters. My best friends..

So I walked out. I knew they wouldn't see me at first because they wouldn't expect me to be there, but I walked over to the bar, and just in a place where Alyssa could see me. And she did. Her eyes kind of glanced over me at first. Then she looked... They widened... A smile grew across her face, and she ran at me. Hailey hadn't seen me at first and didn't know who Alyssa was hugging. I then pulled my head out from the hug, and Hailey just freaked out and came to attack me as well.

It was like everything in the world was right for those few moments. Their happiness. My presence. Their presence. Our hugs. The love I knew we had for each other...

And for those very brief moments when they were totally shocked that I was actually standing in front of them, I never wanted to leave. I wanted to stay there forever, hugging these girls I'd grown to have so much love and care for...

Everything that followed that weekend was amazing. Everything we did was so joyous. When I woke up on Saturday morning, we lied there on the couch hugging each other for what seemed like forever. We still couldn't believe we were together. We didn't want to do anything but be with each other.

And I would never forget another very important part of the weekend. Their mom Brandi. Probably my greatest friend, and right up there with my greatest joy in seeing that weekend. We had coffee on Saturday, and then walked around and sat at the park for a while. We both expressed how we felt like being there together was like a dream. It was just so amazing.

That night, all of us went ice skating. Brandi, Alyssa, Hailey, their brother Dylan, their dad Phil, and I. Though actually, Phil and Alyssa didn't ice skate, but watched. It was so much fun, because Brandi was kind of slow, so I got to just glide alongside her, and maybe catch her when she fell (which she did maybe 6 times), and then go really fast with Hailey and have fun cruising with her and dancing to the music.

That night I got to play a game with Hailey where we pretended Brandi was a crazy child Swedish cannibal. That crazy make believe game was probably the most fun we had the whole weekend.

After which we all watched movies till about 1:30 in the morning, and I got to just lay my head on Brandi's shoulder through the movies, which was probably my favorite part of the whole weekend. Just being with her.

That next day, Brandi and Alyssa took me to my first house. It was the greatest thing ever. I got a little emotional. It reminded me of when everything was perfect in my life. Before there was ever even a thought of something being wrong. When my family had everything together. But it was still odd. Bringing the new into the old. My beautiful relationships with these beautiful girls into the environment of my growing up.

We walked down the street I learned how to ride a bike on. Past the houses where I used to play. The driveway where we gave my dog bathes. The front porch where we played in our kitty pool, made forts out of boxes, played telephone with the neighbors across the street, and ran out to meet my dad when he came home from work in his huge truck.

But I was happy it was all in the past. And I was able to drive away with Brandi and Alyssa. What was once a happy little family and home, is now a broken up group of people. Now I survive with the relation of my little sister and mommy. And with communication with my best friends and people who make me happy, Brandi, Alyssa, and Hailey.

Alyssa and Brandi and I went to the the park and sat down for a bit and hung out and talked. At the last little bit I went over and lied down in Brandi's lap. I was just so happy. So happy that I had my life in Washington. That I was already being blessed with fantastic opportunities up there. But also that I could come back to see these people who are indescribable. The people who, outside of my family, are the nearest, dearest, and most important people to my heart.

And now that I'm back home in Washington, I don't miss them. Well, at least not any more that I thought I would. I will always miss them. But I'm happy that I'm here, not down there. Because up here is where my life will really begin. Where every opportunity opens itself up for me.

But all in all, it was the greatest weekend ever. I'm so happy I got such priceless memories with that family. I can't wait to do it again. :)